Belated Thanks…

I find today a great way to do a check up on where we should be going, who we should be thankful for, and why I really need to get back to the gym! ūüôā

In all the craziness of today, I wanted to take a moment to thank all of you, who read my blog and allow me to read yours!  Thank you for the sneak peak in your lives..and the sharing of mine!

I know I haven’t been as active as I wanted to be on that, but I feel a refreshed sense of creativity and I plan on being here more often!

So.. enjoy today!  Embrace those whose lives touch yours.. Smile and love those around you and remember that together we make our life simply amazing.

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Night Dreams….

Good evening citizens. Before lights out.. remember the way of our life, to follow the rules and your continued compliance of such will guarantee the way of life we have created for generations to come. If you see ones that deviate from the prime constitution, it is not only your expectation but your duty to report them to your local Namo for processing and compliance control. Tonight you will find your night clothes in a bag outside your door, the pre selected night thoughts shall be on the quality of life via oneness with all. Lights out will be in 15 minutes. Namaste.”

He looked at his Verne, as she went outside to gather their night outfits. A unnoticeable smile came across his lips. He had learned to hide it over the years. Watching as their Hini followed her upstairs. A single thought crossed his mind.. It was almost‚Ķ happy? If that emotion even existed anymore.. And he wasn‚Äôt sure that it did. It was on the first remembrance of their signing that they received the boy. The third remembrance they received the girl. They had past the tests.. Shown compliance and thus were given charge of the two. He followed them up the stairs. Each going to the own domiciles. No acknowledgement of one another. Interaction was limited to public only, no touching – ever, and it was limited and observed. Putting the black cover over his eyes, he changed .. Taking his clothes and putting them into the receptacle, to be picked up in the morning. Removing the blindfold. The grey room folded in on him. No color. No individuality. No uniqueness. The world, in its search for perfection and safety gave away one liberty at a time. As the generations passed, each new one gave up a bit more.. Feeling content with what they received. Such contentment can lead to horrible things. Seeing the lights flicker.. He climbed into bed. A voice comes from nowhere. ‚ÄúFive.. Four ..three‚Ķtwo. .one. .good night citizens‚ÄĚ

Darkness.

* A touch…an embrace. Arms ..lips. .warmth.. A set of eyes starring.. Blue. .bright. .with flecks of silver. Love.. passion.. New words, new feelings. .but yet.. Familiar. Breathing coming faster as the dream came quicker… sensations stronger… the view pulling back.. Eyes deeper.. A face becoming clearer… **

‚ÄúGood morning citizens. You will find your outfit for the day in your receptacles. Morning thoughts and directions will be in 15 minutes. Namaste.”

The collective gathered in their downstairs living area. The girls in a white shirt and grey skirt that reached down to their black shoes. Long stockings covered their legs. The Verne had a gold chain around her neck, the symbol of the signing. The boys had black slacks and a black shirt. Dark shoes and socks were the footwear of choice. The Verno had simple gold chain around his wrist. The symbol of his signing. They looked at each other, not to show affection, but to see that each was dressed correctly. An infraction of one collective would result in punishment of all. Walking outside.. They proceeded to the designate pickup area. The days set of rules.. Functions and pre selected demonstrations awaited them. As if time itself no longer existed.. One activity flowing into the next. No need for thought.. For curiosity.. For self expression. A face that showed interest.. But lacked care. Eyes that saw.. But failed to understand. A life of calm and control… but no passion.

“Five. .four. .three ..two…one‚Ķnight citizens.”

**********Breathing of one, now two. Brown eyes.. Golden specks, softness…care…love. Kisses of soft lips filling him as he tried to see further.. Who was she? Why was she here? It was as if he was experiencing and watching at the same time… building.. Feeling shots of warmth and energy shooting through him. .each touch sending waves of pure pleasure…nothing mattered than this …than her. ******** Blue eyes.. Silver, smiled down at her… reaching out.. Her fingers caressing the skin that was so close.. so warm. She needed it.. Desired it. These feelings so foreign to her life, ..yet, a part of her knew them.. Desired them… needed them. Soft sounds coming from her.. Her head leaning back…mouth open in pure pleasure.. Wanting to let go…

The morning came as every morning. Clothes showing up each day.. All wearing the same colors ..same style.. But today.. Something in the air was different. A‚Ķ.breeze‚Ķa smell of something sweet. She looked straight ahead.. As if she were listening to the morning thoughts.. But, her mind was elsewhere.. In a dream that she did not want to awake. The girl looked up‚Ķconfused. Smiling down, Verne, without thinking caressed her hair lightly. The look of fear instantly came on the girls face.. Of shock. The arms shooting back to her side.. As a knock came at the door‚Ķ He went to answer it.. Opening it slowly‚Ķlooking out with a fake but sweet smile. ‚ÄėYes Namo?‚ÄĚ They looked inside‚Ķ walked in.. and stood in front of the collective. ‚Äúan infraction was reported. You have been found and judged. Punishment shall be swift and quick.‚ÄĚ She looked up.. A fear in her eyes.. As the Namo turned to leave.. The girl in tow. They never saw her again. They were expected to go on as if nothing had happened. Once a punishment was given.. It was expected to be forgotten. She moved throughout the day‚Ķher mind a blank. Her body betrayed her.. Yet, she desired more. Yearned for night. For the world that awaited her.. Verne closed the door, the package of night clothes in hand. Walking up the stairs to her domicile she stopped for a moment and turned. Her eyes hitting his. Blue.. Silver‚Ķ Brown‚Ķgold‚Ķ They each paused. An instant realization hit them both. Turning to enter their domicile. “‚Ķgood night citizens.” >Together they met, hand in hand.. A large purple tree hovered over them. Soft hands meeting strong ones. Breathing in time as bodies embraced‚Ķlegs intertwined‚Ķ Blue.. meeting brown. This was their world..

Day 8 – Breathe (365 Days of Journaling)

Day 8 - Breathe  (365 Days of Journaling)

Let go of your fear..that holds you back from being you.
Let go of your past.. that holds you back from being you.
Let go of your doubt..that holds you back from being you.
Let go of those in your life..that hold you back from being you.
Let go…and just breathe.. and be you.

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Day 7: Peace. (365 Days of Journaling)

Our Journey continues…. He told me that he would like to start a new ritual. On Sunday evenings he would like a foot bath/rub. I smiled and asked what type? he said that he would leave it to me. It could be a simple as a foot rub while watching TV with the family… or as complex as I wanted to do it.

That left me with a lot of room to think.. How would I do this for him? What could I do to show him my love, my passion and my happiness on this new journey of ours.

All week I didn’t mention it and neither did he.

Sunday evening came.. It was Superbowl Sunday. We were in the family room, eating wings and hanging out with the kids. I kept watching the clock.. excited for the evening ahead.

Excusing myself, I went into the bedroom and set the mood. Soft music played, filling the room with a peace and calm that rarely find it’s way into our home. I lit his favorite intense…candles.. Set a space on the bed for him to relax.

Going into the bathroom I filled a tub with bath salts and warm water.. grabbing my lotion and a towel, I set it up on the floor. Lastly, I grabbed my collaring pillow and placed it by the bed.

The room was perfect.

Finally, I went and grabbed a pretty and sexy outfit with a matching robe. Fixed my hair and make up..

Smiling at the scene I created, I threw on one of his T-Shirts and went out into the family room to see if he was ready to “come to bed.”

Walking up.. I saw him,..and our oldest daughter.. doing her taxes.

0.o

Not exactly the start I had in mind.

I smiled..and ran back to the room. Blew out the candles, dumped the warm water.. and changed my clothes. Heading back to the family room I tried to hied my disappointment. I mean, He didn’t now what was going on..

A half hour later, they were done. The game was almost over.. (and I use the word “Game” very very loosely here..) Excusing myself once again I ran back to the bedroom and reset the room and myself..again.

*back to one*

This time he was ready to go to bed. We walked to the room and I held open the door. He stopped short when he saw the set up.. wondering what was going on.

I just smiled.. took his hand and led him to the bed. Taking off his shirt to reveal my “real” outfit, I knelt on the pillow and began.

The look on is face was priceless. The love. the submission was so deep. The energy was so strong.

It’s hard to explain how it changed us. The connection it provided was unlike anything either of us had ever experienced before.

Afterwards, he pulled me to him.. kissed me and help me close. We shared words, promises, and our love.

Passionately we made love.. the energy growing ever so strong that I still get the shivers thinking back to it.

That moment, that simple act of love and submission pushed us further on this path. I believe that it showed us the depth of our love and commitment. I know for me, I had never felt so belonged before. My submission was changed in that moment and I am forever lost in his will.

It’s a peace that I have never experienced before and that has changed us forever.

Day 6 – Puzzle (365 Days of Journaling)

Day 6 - Puzzle (365 Days of Journaling)

My thought for the day.

Don’t let those that don’t matter, steal your happiness and peace.

Don’t let those that don’t matter, steal the pieces of our life that those that do matter have put there.

Our world is like a puzzle, the pieces put there by what matters to us. Our love, our life, our happiness, our goals, our journey. Each moment that makes us.. well.. us.

Keep the pieces that come into your life that are love centered. throw away those that aren’t. They won’t fit, no matter how hard you try.. no matter how much you wish. If they wont change, if they cause you harm, if they cause you to loose the rest of your pieces.. Then let them go…

Throw them away.

A new piece will come and find it’s way to you. A new piece that will fit into your life and help create that perfect picture.

Be thankful for the pieces that fit and don’t let those that don’t take away from what those that do bring you.

Make your puzzle beautiful, amazing and all that you wish it to be.

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Day 5 – Path: The Princess the Prince and the Pond…. (365 Days of Journaling))

Once upon a time there was a princess who lived in the most amazing castle.. (yes, It’s a castle.. it’s my story and I can live where I want!¬† ūüėõ) She often walked the long halls of the castle, looking at all the amazing pictures of her family and friends. She would smile as she would see all the pictures of the adventures that they would go on.. their exciting moments of discovery, their life changing experiences. Even those that showed a bit of regret made her smile.. because at least the regret came with the realization that they lived.

Each morning she would get up and walk. Every once in a while she would peek outside, and look at the vast world before her. Part of her yearned to share in the adventures of those that came before her.. But, even as those thoughts would come to her mind.. fear would start to push it’s way in.. Fear of the unknown, fear of the “what if’s”, just fear.

She knew that she was safe in her castle.. she could listen and watch those she loved live these amazing lives, but she never thought she could be the same. “This is me. This is my life.” she would think to herself. Her mind and heart flooded with all sorts of contradictions.. but her feet stayed firmly in place.

One day there was a knock at the door. Slowly the princess walked.. surprised, as she had no visitor for such a long time. She peeked out and saw the most handsome man standing before her. Slowly she opened the door and smiled.. no words leaving her mouth. He smiled back and softly spoke to her.. sharing of this journey, asking if she’d like to come along. The princess smiled.. but closed the door.. Who was he? Where did he come from? She had grown used to being alone, to doing her own thing, controlling her own world. Who was this man who seemed to want to change all that?

Each day he would come. Each day he would knock. Each day she would smile and close the door..

This continued for months, and it became almost like a fun game. She started looking forward to the morning knock…and she soon discovered that she would plan for it. She would be up and dressed in her finest gowns, her hair long and flowing.. waiting to see if he would come…or if today would be the day he would just give up.

One morning she heard the knock, it was a bit earlier than she expected. She wasn’t dressed fancy, her hair laid loose around her face.. she rushed to the door, running down the hallway, past the pictures of those who she rarely looked at anymore.

She opened the door and he smiled. He said no words this time, but simply reached out his hand. She looked, her breath coming so fast..  He just smiled, an amazing comforting and loving smile.. He waited for her, and she knew it was time.

She took his hand and they stepped outside of the castle.. he held her close as they started to walk down the stone path. The birds flying overhead as if they were a covering to their own magical world.

They walked in silence for a while, she was so caught up in the beauty around her. The world looked so much brighter and so much crisper than it did in pictures.. The world was real. This was her world.

Finally he stopped and smiled.. and finally spoke. “This pond is a magical one. It has the power to make our¬† journey even longer and more amazing.. or it has the power to send you back to your castle and keep you locked in, forever away from the world that you want. This water will make you see yourself, who you are, what you want, It will allow you to move past the fear you have, and discover who you ware meant to be. Some people drink and find freedom in that knowledge. Some people drink and become afraid of the person that they really are. It is up to you my Princess. Do you wish to drink from this pond?¬† Whatever your choice, I will still visit each day. I will still knock on your door and I will still care. This is your decision, I am simply just showing you the way to make it.”

The princess stared at the pond.. hearing the reassuring words of the princess. Emotions flooded her as she thoughts about her choice her life. Did she want to live in the memories of others, allowing their experiences to be her own? Or did she want to make a choice and try to become the person that she was meant to be.

Before she knew it, she bent down.. Her long hair floating in the water besides her. Her soft lips reached down to the cool water, and she drank.

The prince smiled, took her by hand and helped her up. He hugged her and gently kissed her lips, still cool and wet from the pond.

“There my princess, welcome to your new life…”

Day 4 – Be (365 Days of Journaling)

Day 4 - Be (365 Days of Journaling)

Just be.

Be the person that you are inside.
Find your “you’ and make it shine
Be the moment that brings joy
to those that pass you or come to mind

Be the kind to yourself and hold your head high
Remembering and knowing that it’s your right to fly…
As high as you want…
As far as you need…
Your comfort and joy…
Are yours to achieve…

Be the spirit and the fire
When life makes you fear
Be the calm and the peace
That you need to hear

Be you.. be amazing
Be the spark that lights the way
To show not only yourself, but others
that making your life, your way, is more than just ok.

Be the words, be the voice,
to share what you see..
The moments, the milestones
Are what makes us you and me.

So, find your space,
And your breath deep inside
Be the one who beams
With all that this world has to provide.

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Day 3: Loneliness (365 Days of Jounaling)

Day 3: Loneliness (365 Days of Jounaling)

Today I feel alone.

I feel my hole is deep and that no one is with me. I feel like my world is out of control and I am sitting by..watching.. helpless to do anything about it.

I feel as the light is gone. My world is black.

I know I have the tools to fix this. I know that even if it is just me.. the road will open back up at some point. I know that in the end.. I am in control of myself, my feelings and my journey.

Today I try not to think of the “what if’s” or the “could be’s”. I try not to let my thoughts run away with me..and create a world that is set in stone.

Today I try to remember what I have learned, and that this to shall pass.

But today.. today I sit and let the darkness cover me.

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What is Beauty? – Day 2 (365 Days of journaling)

What is Beauty? - Day 2 (365 Days of posting_

In all things there can be beauty. From the most horrific storm, that leaves a sense of calm in nature after it passes to the saddest break up… once the mind can see the growth it provided.

For me, beauty lies in what is given, what is received and how the two find each other.

A love of a child to it’s parent.. it’s every need being met without a question.
The love of a close friend, whose ear is given, arms embraced just when you need it the most.
The beauty in the path you choose with the ones you love. From the silly moments of laughter and teasing, to the serious life changing moments that only the two of you could even being to comprehend.
Beauty to me isn’t about what is scene by others, it’s about what is felt by those whose hearts and minds are open. To feel love. To have it wrapped around you like a warm blanket on a cold and lonely day. The smell of something so sweet that it floods your mind with memories of moments that you will never forget. The submission of those that see the beauty in the power offered and unconditional love given. Knowing that it will be returned with the guidance and care that only comes with an equal self sacrifice of themselves.

Beauty is deep within, but is drawn out by those that know the key.

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My steps to Happiness… Day 1 (365 Days of journaling)

My steps to Happiness... Day 1 (365 Days of journaling)

Here is where I am starting. My new path, my new thoughts.. the way I see the world and I hope that it will be the way the world sees me.

Allow the good in.. the healthy and happy. I am happy with my world. But, do I allow myself to be happy with me?

For me, Fear less.. Love more is where I will focus me energy on today. I can get so wrapped up in my fears.

Fear of the past.
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of disappointment.
Fear of enjoyment.
Fear of just letting go.

Today I will work on one fear, take a step outside of it and allow myself to just enjoy the journey towards happiness with myself.

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