I’ve been wanting to put this in my blog for a few days, but haven’t found quite the words or the way to do it. Every time I think about it, it’s all over the place.. but.. i’m going to try…
I’ve had scenes before.. they’ve been fun, intense, a little of both.. I’ve laughed.. cried.. gotten mad and couldn’t get into head space. So, I really thought that I had walked the road of play and pretty much experienced all the new stuff I could.. (yeah.. sounds stupid I know!)
One of the issues I always seem on having is letting go. To be able to stop worrying about who or what is around me.. how I look, what is happening now.. what’s coming next.. ect… I get so caught up in my own mind that I often miss out on what I’ve heard other people say that they experience. The part of play that lets them let go, be free.. take the ride.
So, Friday night a few of us get together for some family fun time. Daddy said that we were going to play and a dear friend asks if she could co top me. We’ve scened before and it went great, so of course Daddy said yes.
He decided to put me on the suspension bar, so that they could have full body access to me. That made me giggle a bit.. but, i’m working on showing my trust with him, so I just smiled and head over to the bar.
Daddy had me take off all my clothes, and then instructed me to take off my bra. My breath caught as I slowly start to unhook it. Another area of self insecurity I have.. but, I smile and trust.
He hooked me to the bar.. and I am so aware of the other people around me. Dear friends playing on equipment close to us.. others in different parts of the club.. the music which is being switched over to something with a stronger beat.. Daddy and our friend getting their toys ready.. talking softly…
My mind is racing..
Daddy approached me with a blind fold and smiled as he covered my eyes.
I start to listen to the music, slowly moving my legs to the beat.. when I start feeling soft things on my back. I smile.. loving how he starts our scenes.. enjoying the feeling of the fur on my skin.
After a few minutes, I start to feel soft on my front..
“Daddy is behind me.. Auntie is in front…” I think to myself
I frown a bit.. and try not stop analyzing what is going on..
After a few minutes, I feel something hard hitting my butt.. I giggle a bit as the change shocks me.. shake my butt a few times in fun .. and quickly start to move with the beat.. This is going great until the softness on my stomach starts again.. the harder swats on my but.
My brain is starting to get confused.. Hard.. ouch..soft..
Quickly I start to “loose” who is where.. and the mixed sensations occurring make it impossible to regain “mental” control..At first I get a bit scared, as I feel that I am really loosing control of being mentally aware of what was going on.. But, Daddy must sense this.. as he whispers in my ear.. and I relax.
Then something amazing happened.
I let go.
The room went away.. and it was just me like a boat on the water.. waves pushing me here and there, I’m just sitting, smiling and not caring where the boat goes.. because I know I’m safe.. and I know that it’s ok to let go.
I wasn’t worried about how I looked, who was watching, what everyone was doing.. I trusted them.. and I stopped thinking and starting feeling. Sensations came in droves, and I just let them. I didnt analyze why I was feeling them.. or who caused them.. or why I should be feeling this way or that way.. I just felt.
I moved with the impacts of the toys and hands, but not in a pre calculated way.. but in a natural way that my body did on its own.. instinctive.. primitive..
It was an amazing experience..
Somewhere along the way another friend joined the scene.. but, by this point I was so spaced I didnt even really acknowledge it..
Afterwards as Daddy and I cuddled on the couch.. I had to giggle. I felt so amazing.. my mind was very floating. but my body and soul felt “refreshed”.. alive. Daddy kissed my forehead and said I was amazing.. I smiled and cuddled close.. so happy.
Going home that night I passed out.. and slept better than I had in weeks.
The next day I gave a lot of thought to what happened. How for once, It felt so amazing to be so safe and trusting with the people around me that I could let go, let go of whatever control I had wanted to hold onto and just be in the moment..
I can’t wait for the next time….