My first outing…

I don’t always do things the fastest. It can take me quite a while to feel comfortable with a situation to be relaxed enough to be apart of it. I’m like the slow moving turtle.. I’ll eventually get there, just don’t push!

So, here I am on Fet Life. I am making friends, talking to people and doing a lot of reading…

I HUGE amount of reading.

So much reading that I was starting to get overwhelmed by the amount of different information out there.
This person says to do things one way.. this person says its another way.. no one agrees and here I am trying to figure out where I stand in this whole lifestyle market. When no once can even seem to agree on what that market is!

It can be very frustrating!

So, finally a dear friend starts to get on me.. to get off the computer and get into the real scene. To come out to the local dungeon and actually meet people…

I know.. what a concept!

So, me being me, I took my time.. waited and made a ton of excuses why I shouldn’t take that next step. Really I was scared. Its one thing to be online and read all sorts of information. It’s entirely another to actually take that step out and make it a part of your life.

I felt like Indiana Jones taking the step of faith..

So, finally I agreed. More because I was running out of excuses of why I shouldn’t go.. well, good excuses anyway.

So, I went to my local dungeon’s Halloween Party. I dressed up like a naughty school girl and held my breath.
I got there and everyone was so nice.. but I was just smiling, waiting for my friend to show up.. my safety line.

When she got there we went into the club together.

It was filled with so many new sights, new sounds.. so many new sensations that I was on overload.
Its one thing to talk about screening.. to read about the different equipment..to read peoples thoughts on how it feels, what it means to them… it’s entirely another to watch a scene..
Hear the crack of the whip
See the interaction between the Top and the bottom,, the energy flowing between them.. the trust.. the care..

I sat and just watched.. amazed.. a little scared at some of the intensity I was watching.. but thrilled as my “reading” came to life in front of me.

This wasn’t role play..this wasn’t some fictional writing.. this was real people, living the life they loved and letting go..

Being free….

I wasn’t sure how.. or when.. but, I was so excited at the possibilities.. of taking those first steps.. of letting go of my fears and my pre convinced notions of how one should live, what one should do and how one should behave.

I smiled and hugged my dear friend. I thanked her for pushing me out of my comfort zone and helping me take my first steps..

I look back at this moment and smile. I can so clearly see the markers that lit up my path.. the friends that were placed at important points to guide me and help me find my way. How each step led to a new path, a new direction.
I was so very lucky that my early years into the life style were so healthy and strong. I am so lucky that the people that I found my way too were open to helping a newbie like me…

“The universe was indeed unfolding at it should….”

The Hidden Path

My whole life I knew I was searching for something…someone. However, the reality was I has no idea who or what I was searching for.

It’s like going shoe shopping and not knowing what type of shoe you needed .. Are you going dancing? rock climbing? running? Each shoe has its own purpose, its own fulfillment of a need. But its up to the buyer to know what need they are trying to fulfill.. what purpose it has.. and then find the right shoe to match up to it.

So, I searched and along the way got sidetracked more than once with a bad choice. A path that I thought was maybe it.. relationships that seemed to fit some hidden need & want.. but in the end were nothing more than the hope for it, instead of the reality.

It is funny looking back how things got started. It reminds me somewhat of a comedy of circumstances.. each moment perfectly in line with the next… each actions done for the express purpose of alining to the next action…

For me.. It was all about Twilight.

I really loved the books.  Well.. I was more obsessed with them to be honest. I think I reread them a few times. (yeah, I know.. but it is what it is!)

I was goofing around on the internet one day and stumbled across a Twilight themed role play board. I joined to check it out and the site was filled  with a lot of great writers.  I created a character and joined the group. I had so much fun RP…My character really grew and developed and became a “person” in and of her own right.

I was working nights at this point and this was a way not only to express myself creativity, but there were people from all over and writings going on all the time. It gave me something to do at 3am on those nights I was off of work, but the rest of the world slept.

One night, someone in the RP was talking about another site that they were on called IMVU. It is a role pay site, but you actually create avatars and in this 3-D world, intermingle with other players.. create rooms and it really gave the ability to take RP to the next level.

So, I decided to check it out.  I joined and my word only character came to life.

I quickly became involved in many RP groups and had a blast doing so. I made friends from all over the world and enjoyed the creativity of it all.

One day I was room hopping and I stumbled into a D/s room. I went in and introduced myself. I was invited to stay at chat. The gentleman that was the room owner was there and we had a long talked. He started sharing with me what D/s meant to him, what it was, and what he got out of it.

I was like a sponge, soaking up all he had to say. I asked for more information and he sent me links to writings, books and another online group called FetLife.

I was shocked.. amazed.. what I was reading.. what I found.. It was it. It hit my soul like a dagger of excitement. I wasn’t alone in these feelings, in these desires. My needs and wants suddenly had a name, a face and for the first time.. it had direction.

I laugh sometimes to think how fate works. If I hadn’t of read those books so early on.. If I didn’t like to write.. If I didn’t take the time.. would I be here?

I would like to think that the answer to that question is yes.. I would. But, another part of me would like to think that each step was put in its place so perfectly, that the momentum was always meant to be there, waiting..hoping that I would open the right door, walk down the right path.. take the Red pill and see how far the rabbit whole goes.

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be. — Douglas Adams

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